


The Avengers Get Analyzed

by storiesfortravellers



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avenger Bucky Barnes, Crack, F/M, Humor, Psychological evaluations, Tony Being Tony, Warnings for Light Treatment of Serious Psychological Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-15
Updated: 2014-08-15
Packaged: 2018-02-13 05:19:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2138457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesfortravellers/pseuds/storiesfortravellers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For this prompt:</p><p> </p><p>  <i>MCU, ensemble or any, The Gang Gets Analyzed</i></p><p> </p><p>at comment-fic on livejournal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Avengers Get Analyzed

**Psychological Evaluation of Thor**  
Obvious daddy issues. Hammer clearly a Freudian symbol. Codependent relationship with psychopathic brother. Lack of guilt over those he has killed in battle suggests a degree of brainwashing by his homeland's ideologies. Too vain to get a haircut.

 **Psychological Evaluation of Clint Barton**  
Likes to be in high places so he can watch without being watched -- clear sign of paranoia and insecurity. Proclivity toward befriending lethal enemies combined with tendency to jump off buildings strongly suggests self-destructive desires. Constant deflection of serious conversations with "witty" comments reveals a striking emotional immaturity.

 **Psychological Evaluation of Natasha Romanov**  
Subject does not present enough genuine information to make a well-founded analysis. It is likely, however, that the subject would take such a finding as a compliment, which reveals much about her probable personality disorders.

 **Psychological Evaluation of Steve Rogers**  
Savior complex, possibly connected to a desire to martyr himself. Inability to move on from the past. Dislike of contemporary popular movies is likely a symbolic expression of his refusal to admit that he is part of the present and still alive. Obsessive tendencies, particularly with regards to anything from his past. Likely body image issues. Apparent inexperience in sexual activity likely due to self-esteem problems as well as a general disengagement with others, or possibly just ridiculous prudishness. The man seriously needs to get laid. Also he still sometimes acts like a punk with something to prove.

 **Psychological Evaluation of Tony Stark**  
Every possible psychological issue that can co-exist in one person. Narcissism, obsessive behaviors, dangerous risk-taking. Uses technology as a shield to manage human interactions. Compulsively provokes others. Does not consider himself subject to the rules of law or social propriety or even the table manners that everyone else must ascribe to. Refuses to get help for major physical and psychological problems. Refuses to acknowledge obvious PTSD and other psychological symptoms. Self-medicates inappropriately. Makes people listen to long stories.

 **Psychological Evaluation of Bucky Barnes**  
Great guy.

\--

"Hey! Not cool!" Clint said.

"I did not realize that this is how I am perceived on Earth," Thor said sadly.

"Why isn't there an eval for Bruce?" Steve said.

"Bruce is the one who did the evals," Tony said, "I thought that would be simplest since we don't want to give confidential information to someone not on the team."

"Bruce isn't that kind of doctor," Natasha said, annoyed.

"Which I've told you about a thousand times," Bruce said, walking in. He seemed quite aggravated to be asked to play therapist yet again (though of course quite aggravated for Bruce would look calm on anyone else).

"So you gave us crappy psych evals to get back with us for using you as our therapist?" Clint said. "That's really vengeful. I can respect that."

"Again, I haven't been your therapist. I don't know how, and if I did, I wouldn't want to," Bruce said.

"So, like all the stuff you said was fake, right?" Clint said.

Bruce just smiled.

Natasha rolled her eyes. "That his joke on us. That they're close enough that we don't know if the evals are what he thinks or not."

Tony said, "Well, he did say that I have the most possible interesting things that one person could have. It's kind of a compliment. In that I'm unique."

"Sure," Steve said, then looked at Bruce. "I didn't realize you felt that way about my ability to deal with...the past."

"Oh," Bruce said, "Last night I got tired and so I gave the last two evals to Bucky to finish -- yours and his own. What'd he say about you, Steve?"

"...Never mind," Steve said, then walked out mumbling something about how he "oughta' known that darn fella was behind this."

"I do not like Earth games," Thor said.

"You liked strip poker," Clint pointed out.

"That is true," Thor conceded.

"Yeah, Bruce, this was a good one," Tony said. "Do you want to see what the other guy would say if he did a psych eval on us? I could Taser you and we could find out? Please?"

"NO!" Natasha, Clint, and Thor shouted at once.

"Bruce?" Tony asked again. "You can Taser me first, so we're even. Come on, I've been wanting to learn more about the big guy's cognitive abilities in social and emotional comprehension."

Bruce sighed. "Maybe you should work on your own emotional IQ first."

Tony grinned. "Great! Come by around noon and we'll talk some things out. I could really use it. Okay, gotta go to a meeting or Pepper will kill me! See ya then, Bruce." He walked out.

"So... this whole thing was so people would stop doing that..." Bruce said, frowning.

"You're looking a little...green," Clint said, worriedly.

"None of us think you are a good and understanding listener any more," Thor said, "I can assure you."

"Yeah, Bruce," Clint said, "We don't want to tell you anything any more, you were really harsh and judgmental."

Bruce breathed deeply and in a moment was back to his usual self.

"Nice control," Natasha observed.

Bruce grimaced, then exhaled slowly. "Yeah, we'll see if it holds up at noon."


End file.
